that's it

it's done. moving is done. all my stuff is here now and I'm on my job hunting mission right now. it's been a bad day today, I don't regret my decision to leave everything behind, but I am 100% positive that I will miss my friends a lot. I miss them already. I will miss quite a few things. having coffee with the girls anytime possible, riding our bikes to the lake on sunny days, playing beach volleyball or just the everyday uni life. I feel like I have to grow up right now, but I don't want to.
I'm not ready to grow up yet.

I tell myself, if I can't bare life like it will be, I still can go back an finish uni, it's like a thought I cling to, in order to calm myself down. maybe it's just the stress and the worries about my dad, but right now I would prefer to still live there in that small town, I don't even like that much and study some stupid notes. but it's ok, I can do this.

rough times

Haven’t blogged in ages. I planned to blog quite regularly but there happened so many things, more bad than good ones, lately.

Well first of all we’re moving. Actually I am moving, my boyfriend moved half a year ago but most of his stuff is still in our flat and so we still have a lot to do. I decided a few months ago to go back to my hometown and quit studying. I will get a job, soon hopefully and start all over again. A lot of people, actually just my family are not quite pleased with this decision but it is still my life. In fact just my mom is not pleased, she worries about money too much, but she will get used to it. It was quite hard to tell my friends, some don’t understand why I am leaving, which I can understand and I will miss them too, a lot. But I based my decision on quite a few facts. First of all I am not happy. I lost my heart somewhere on the way, and it seems that the way was just all wrong. I tried to live a happy student life but it didn’t please me so much and I miss my family. Most of all I miss my dad. And there is big reason number too.

My dad is very sick. Very very sick. He had quite a bad heart attack 4 years ago and still suffers a lot because of it. His doctors decided that he will need 7-8 bypasses the very next few weeks. This causes me a lot of worries, the worst I could ever imagine is, if I would lose him. He means the world to me. He is everything. My dad is my world. My dad is the one who always, not matter what I did or wanted, supported me. He always said, I should do whatever makes me happy. And I crave his presence like nothing else. And sometimes I think he needs me as much as I need him and I want to be there for him whenever he needs me. So this is another big part of my decision. Well yeah, so the next week will be hell but I know I will be happy when it’s over and when I can finally start to search for a job and get all things in order.

I wonder why there are so many bad things happening lately, it’s not just me. It’s also the people I know and spend my time with, nobody seems to be really happy. It’s like there is some bad vibe in the air, which is getting on everybody’s nerves. Maybe it’s the weather or the stars, I wonder if everyone is waiting for the sun like me. I can’t wait for warmer weather, the cold and the rain and the fog are quite depressing. I actually like the winter and I love the sound of rain on my windows, especially when I sleep, but this kind of weather taking place now is nothing but uncomfortable and annoying. It’s always cold and wet, the wind takes the little warmth of the sun away and the snow is nothing but brown, disgusting mud on the sidewalk. I shouldn’t complain about the weather, but somehow I’m in such a complain mood today.

Some notes in style to finish with. My plans for this spring/summer are quite simple: floral prints, mille fleur, feminine dresses and skirts, elegant shoes mixed with cool accents like aviator glasses, wooden necklaces, high heels or maybe a leopard print scarf.

That’s it for now, I’m sending good vibes and thoughts to everyone who needs them.